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🔑 Key Takeaways

  1. Unlearning the belief that our worth is based on external validation and practicing self-love through the High Five Habit can lead to a sense of deserving love and acceptance without needing to achieve or conform.
  2. Incorporating the simple act of high-fiving yourself in the mirror each morning can have a profound impact on your mindset, confidence, and self-image.
  3. Performing unexpected physical movements and setting positive intentions can help boost self-worth by activating the prefrontal cortex and shifting focus to the present moment. Additionally, creating a daily intention ritual through high-fives enhances mood, productivity, and impact on others.
  4. Prioritizing self-care and self-love is crucial, as empowering and celebrating ourselves can motivate us more effectively than harsh self-criticism. Reconnecting with our younger, self-loving selves allows us to reclaim the love and support we deserve.
  5. Simple gestures of touch, like high fives, build trust and partnership among team members, leading to increased motivation and resilience.
  6. Developing self-awareness and interrupting negative self-talk can help break free from the cycle of self-doubt and empower us to make positive changes in our lives.
  7. Personify your negative voice, interrupt negative thoughts with positive mantras, and take action to improve your self-talk.
  8. Our self-worth and self-perception greatly influence our ability to make positive changes and seek validation from others. By building ourselves up and relying on our own support, we can show up differently in relationships and avoid self-sabotage.
  9. Calming our nervous system through simple techniques like affirmations and deep breathing can help us overcome anxiety, regain control over our emotions, and improve cognitive function.
  10. Acknowledge your worth, celebrate your progress, and build a positive connection with yourself to break free from self-sabotaging patterns and experience greater joy and growth.
  11. Visualize the challenges and obstacles on your path to success to train your mind and stay motivated in the face of difficulties.
  12. In order to build true resilience and increase the likelihood of success, it is crucial to not only envision the rewards and success of our goals, but also mentally prepare for the challenges and difficult moments along the way.
  13. Prioritize self-care, maintain a positive attitude, and regain control over negative thoughts. Embrace friendships and live in the present to achieve greatness in life.

📝 Podcast Summary

The Journey of Learning to Love Ourselves

Learning to love ourselves is a journey that requires unlearning the belief that our worth is based on external validation. Mel Robbins, in her discussion with Lewis Howes, emphasizes that we are not taught to love ourselves just for existing. As children, we were conditioned to seek approval by achieving and conforming. This mindset leads to a constant pursuit of love and happiness, thinking that they can only be obtained through external sources. However, Robbins introduces a simple yet powerful technique called the High Five Habit. By high-fiving herself in the mirror, she interrupts the negative self-talk and replaces it with self-love. This small act serves as a powerful reminder that we deserve love and acceptance just as we are, without needing to accomplish anything.

The Power of High-Fiving Yourself in the Mirror

The simple act of high-fiving yourself in the mirror can have a profound impact on your mindset and self-perception. Mel Robbins discovered this by accident and noticed a shift in her mood and self-image. As she continued with this ritual, she realized that she wasn't alone in needing a boost of encouragement each morning. People from all over the world joined in, sharing their high-five mirror moments and the positive effects it had on their lives. Scientifically, this ritual is effective because our brains are wired to associate high-fives with positivity, support, and belief in ourselves. By incorporating this small action into your daily routine, you can build confidence, resilience, and a healthier self-image. So go ahead and give yourself a high-five in the mirror each morning, because you deserve it.

Reprogramming Our Subconscious for Self-Worth

Performing unexpected physical movements and setting positive intentions can help reprogram our subconscious and boost our self-worth. When we engage in activities like brushing our teeth with the wrong hand or high-fiving our own reflection, we activate our prefrontal cortex and shift our focus to the present moment. This, in turn, allows positive programming to take root in our subconscious mind, making it difficult to criticize ourselves. Additionally, setting intentions for the day and sealing them with a high-five creates a ritual that boosts mood, productivity, and our ability to make an impact on others. The resistance we may feel towards these practices often stems from a lack of self-worth and a negative self-perception, which we must work to overcome.

The power of self-talk and its impact on our well-being

Our self-talk has a profound impact on our well-being. Many of us have deep-rooted negative beliefs about ourselves, constantly criticizing and putting ourselves down. This negative self-talk creates a familiar negative path in our brains that can lead to a lack of self-support and self-worth. While we excel at celebrating and supporting others, we often struggle to do the same for ourselves. It is crucial to prioritize self-care and self-love, recognizing that we deserve celebration and support simply for being alive and trying to improve. Empowerment, kindness, and celebration are powerful motivators, much more effective than harsh criticism. By reconnecting with our younger, self-loving selves, we can reclaim the love and support we deserve.

The Power of Simple Touch: Motivation and Team Success

Simple gestures of touch, like fist bumps, high fives, and back pats, have a significant impact on motivation and team success. Studies have shown that NBA teams with the most number of these gestures during the preseason were more likely to make it to the championships. On the other hand, teams with the least amount of touch throughout the season were more likely to be at the bottom of the league. These gestures build trust and partnership among team members. Furthermore, a simple high five without any verbal praise has been found to be more empowering and motivating than words of praise. A high five affirms fundamental needs, shows that you see and acknowledge the other person, and triggers a sense of celebration, which leads to increased motivation and resilience.

Overcoming Negative Self-Talk through Self-Awareness and Mindset Shift

Negative self-talk can significantly impact our mood and mindset. The negative thoughts we constantly engage in can be deeply ingrained in our brain and triggered by our nervous system in stressful situations. To combat this, it is important to develop self-awareness and interrupt negative self-talk. One technique is to write down or mentally note the negative thoughts as they arise and then count backwards from 5 to regain control of our prefrontal cortex. By consciously refusing to entertain these negative thoughts and replacing them with a refusal to think about them, we can begin to break free from the cycle of self-doubt and self-deprecation. This shift in mindset can empower us to take action and make positive changes in our lives.

Detaching from negative thoughts and self-talk

Naming and visualizing your negative thoughts and self-talk can help you detach from them. By personifying your anxiety or negative voice, like Mel Robbins did with "Oliver," you can recognize that it is not your true self speaking. You can then interrupt those negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and believable mantras. Instead of trying to convince yourself that you are amazing or perfect when you may not believe it, focus on meaningful mantras that you can truly embrace, such as "I'm doing the best I can" or "I deserve to feel healthy." Furthermore, taking action and acting like the person you want to become can help rewire your brain and improve your self-talk. By changing negative behaviors and adopting positive routines, you can create a more supportive and empowering inner voice.

The Impact of Self-Talk on Our Lives

Our relationship with ourselves is crucial and impacts every aspect of our lives. Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of our self-talk and how we view ourselves when looking in the mirror. She highlights that many of us are trapped in our own minds, struggling with isolation, sadness, and uncertainty. When we can't see ourselves as worthy of love and support, it becomes difficult to make positive changes and seek validation from others. This lack of self-worth can lead to self-sabotage, repeating old patterns, and missing out on potential opportunities. To overcome this, Robbins suggests building ourselves up, supporting ourselves, and learning to have our own back. By doing so, we can show up differently in relationships and not rely on others for validation. To address this holistically, she introduces a tool called High Fiveing.

Healing Anxiety and Regaining Control through Nervous System Regulation

Our nervous system plays a crucial role in our overall well-being. Mel Robbins shares her experience of waking up with anxiety and the realization that it stemmed from past trauma. She explains how many people wake up feeling anxious, often due to growing up in chaotic households or experiencing abuse. Mel discovered a simple technique to calm her nervous system - placing her hands on her heart, taking a deep breath, and repeating affirmations like "I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved." This practice activates the vagus nerve, which regulates the switch between our fight-or-flight response and rest. By soothing our nervous system, we can regain control over our thoughts and emotions, allowing for better cognitive function. This is particularly important in a post-pandemic world where many struggle with heightened anxiety. Ultimately, understanding and addressing stored trauma is essential for overcoming self-sabotaging behavior and finding healing.

Overcoming self-sabotage through self-love and celebration

Self-sabotage is often unintentional and deeply ingrained in our subconscious. It stems from negative self-perceptions and beliefs, such as feeling unworthy or unlovable. Changing this narrative and learning to love ourselves is crucial to breaking free from self-sabotaging patterns. We often overlook our achievements and dwell on our shortcomings, which hinders our progress. Just like the energy and motivation we receive from high-fiving spectators during a marathon, we need to celebrate ourselves and give ourselves the support and belief we deserve. By high-fiving ourselves in the mirror every day and acknowledging our progress and worth, we can accelerate our growth, experience more joy, and become more present in our journey. It's about improving our connection with ourselves and building a positive baseline.

Visualizing the Journey: Moving Beyond the Finish Line

Manifesting and visualizing your goals is not just about imagining the end result, but also visualizing the journey and the challenges along the way. Simply dreaming about the big accomplishments can be demotivating if you're currently facing difficulties and setbacks. Instead, focus on visualizing the bridge between where you are now and where you want to be, including the difficult moments. This trains your mind and nervous system to handle the hard work and helps you stay motivated when faced with obstacles. So, don't just daydream about the finish line, but imagine yourself at mile 12 when your earbuds die or when the weather is unfavorable.

The Importance of Visualizing the Challenges of Goal Achievement

Visualizing the hard parts of achieving our goals is just as important as envisioning the end result. It's easy to get caught up in picturing the rewards and success, but true resilience comes from preparing for the challenges along the way. Instead of only visualizing the checks and glamorous aspects of entrepreneurship or personal growth, we should also visualize the less glamorous aspects, such as working day jobs, making cold calls, and experiencing failures. By mentally preparing ourselves for the difficult moments, we become less resistant and more likely to push through when faced with adversity. This mindset shift helps us stay committed and increases the likelihood of achieving our desired outcomes.

Nurturing the Relationship Within

The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself. Treating yourself like the most important person in your life is crucial. Another key lesson is the power of the High Five attitude, which includes the belief that every moment, even the challenging ones, is preparing you for something amazing. This mindset allows for hope, optimism, and faith, even in difficult times. Lastly, the five-second rule highlights the ability to interrupt negative thoughts by counting down from five and regaining control over your thoughts. These three lessons, along with the importance of friendship and being present in the moment, contribute to a definition of greatness as two friends fully present and sharing life together.