Share this post

🔑 Key Takeaways

  1. No matter your age or circumstances, listening to your intuition and addressing negative emotions can help you pivot and find fulfillment. Don't let external factors hold you back from pursuing your true potential.
  2. By listening to our instincts and paying attention to our feelings, we can make decisions that align with our true selves and lead us towards expansion and fulfillment.
  3. Change can only happen when individuals reach a breaking point and are willing to put in the effort and perseverance required. Hope plays a vital role in inspiring transformative change.
  4. Change is challenging but achievable with self-awareness, belief in a better future, and the courage to take small steps forward.
  5. Motivation may not always be there when you need it, but by making a promise to your future self and consistently taking action, you can overcome resistance and achieve your goals.
  6. Understanding the chain of sensation, perception, feeling, thinking, and action can empower us to regain control, break free from negative patterns, and make positive changes in our lives.
  7. Recognize the influence of your emotions and fears, align your actions with your values and goals, understand your motivations, and take ownership of your actions to regain control of your life.
  8. Stop obsessing over others and focus on your own life to find peace, freedom, and prioritize your own growth and happiness.
  9. By relinquishing our need for control and allowing others to make their own choices, we can alleviate stress, cultivate healthier relationships, and find liberation from unnecessary suffering.
  10. We should focus on ourselves and detach from toxic dynamics by realizing that others' actions and emotions are not our responsibility. This allows us to prioritize our own needs and achieve personal growth.
  11. Allowing others to take responsibility for their own actions and choices is not selfish, but actually generous. It helps them grow, allows us to set boundaries, and build healthier relationships.
  12. Assessing your current situation and finding inspiration from your dreams can guide you towards setting meaningful goals and moving forward in your life.
  13. Embrace your truth, take responsibility for your healing, and seek diagnoses to find explanations and solutions for challenges. By taking action, you can break free from fear and live a different, fulfilling life.
  14. Girls with ADHD may exhibit different symptoms than boys, leading to misdiagnosis or no diagnosis. Recognizing these unique symptoms and providing appropriate support is crucial for effective treatment.
  15. Understanding the connections between brain function and attention issues can help us provide appropriate support, while self-care and maintaining healthy habits are crucial during menopause.
  16. Women's hormone health, specifically menopause, is often overlooked and misunderstood. To ensure proper care and support, more research and understanding is needed in this area.
  17. Menopause is a complex and individualized experience that requires more scientific attention. Personalized care, nurturing relationships, and overcoming challenges are crucial for women's well-being during this stage.
  18. By consciously changing our default reactions and prioritizing peace, we can overcome trauma, fear, and anxiety. Through introspection and authentic communication, we can make a positive impact on others and find support in our own struggles.

📝 Podcast Summary

Embracing Change and Finding Happiness at Any Age

It is never too late to make a change in your life, regardless of your age or circumstances. The key is to tune into your intuition and pay attention to the negative aspects that are holding you back. These negative emotions, such as jealousy, frustration, and anger, are signals that deep inside, you are meant to pivot and head in a new direction. Just like on a road trip, you can stop the car, assess where you are, and tap into your inner navigation system to make a change. Don't let external factors, like a mortgage, discourage you from pursuing your true potential and finding happiness.

Trusting and Following Our Inner Compass

We all have an inner compass that guides us towards what is uniquely aligned for us. This compass is constantly programmed by our life experiences and is always signaling to us. The problem is not that we can't trust our instincts, but that we often choose not to listen to them. We mistake fear and vulnerability for our intuition being wrong. However, if we pay attention to our feelings and drop inwards, we can differentiate between decisions that align with who we are and decisions that don't. The right decisions, even if they're scary, will bring a sense of expansion and possibility. On the other hand, wrong decisions will make us feel constrained and depleted. It's crucial to have the courage to follow our inner wisdom and make decisions that lead us towards what truly resonates with us.

The Catalyst for Change: When the Pain of Staying the Same Becomes Unbearable

Change only happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of making a change. People need a significant catalyst, such as hitting rock bottom or experiencing a high cost of continuing down a destructive path, in order to be motivated to change. While it's tempting to want to change someone else or push them towards transformation, the truth is that people can only change when they are truly ready and willing to do so. Additionally, change is not easy and often requires significant effort and perseverance. It's important to acknowledge that struggling, frustration, and self-doubt are normal parts of the human experience. However, hope is a crucial factor that can inspire change, whether it's through personal realizations or witnessing the success stories of others who have overcome similar challenges.

Embracing Change: Hope, Inspiration, and Willingness

Change is a long game and it requires hope, inspiration, and a willingness to try something different. It can be painful, lonely, and not glamorous in the beginning. Many people stay stuck in resignation because they lack hope and struggle to imagine a better future. The stories and narratives we tell ourselves about our identity can play a significant role in our belief systems and behaviors. Our self-talk, even if buried deep, influences how we perceive ourselves and ultimately drives our actions. It's important to be aware of this inner voice and challenge negative self-criticisms. Overall, change is possible, but it requires self-awareness, a belief in the potential for a better life, and the courage to take small steps forward.

Commitment and Action: The Key to Change

Making a decision and commitment to yourself is crucial for change. Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of wanting something better for yourself and then taking action, even when you don't feel motivated. She believes that motivation is unreliable and not always there when you need it. Instead, she advocates for understanding the biology of how most human beings work. When faced with a task, you may initially feel a sensation of resistance or discomfort. However, by making a promise to your future self and following through with action, you can change the way you perceive yourself and ultimately achieve your goals. It's about starting with a decision and consistently taking action, no matter how you feel in the moment.

The Chain of Events Influencing Our Actions

Our actions are influenced by a chain of events that starts with sensation and ends with action. These events include sensation, perception, feeling or emotion, thinking, and then finally taking action. Many of us are not aware of this chain or the role it plays in our behavior. Our sensations and emotions, often triggered by past trauma or anxiety, can dictate our actions without us even realizing it. To regain control, we need to reverse this chain and start with better actions, regardless of how we feel. This can involve working with a therapist to challenge our default thinking patterns or simply focusing on changing our behaviors first. Ultimately, understanding this chain of events can help us break free from feeling out of control and make positive changes in our lives.

Empowering Yourself to Take Control of Your Life

Our emotions, sensations, and patterns can often drive our actions more than our thoughts and intentions. Mel Robbins shares her personal experiences of overcoming these patterns and taking control of her life. She emphasizes that we may never like the things we need to do, but that doesn't mean we can't still do them. It's about recognizing the influence of our emotions and fears, and consciously choosing to act in alignment with our values and goals. Steven Bartlett discusses the challenge of knowing what goals to aim for, and Mel Robbins suggests that many of us are driven by a desire for validation and self-worth. Ultimately, it's important to understand ourselves and our motivations, and to take ownership of our actions rather than feeling dragged or powerless.

Letting go of control for personal growth and happiness.

We waste a significant amount of time and energy trying to control other people. We often find ourselves obsessing over what others are doing or not doing, constantly thinking, worrying, and expecting them to meet our standards. However, the "let them" theory teaches us the importance of relinquishing control and focusing on ourselves. By understanding that we have zero control over others' actions, feelings, and behaviors, we can start taking charge of our own lives. This simple truth brings peace and freedom, allowing us to prioritize our own growth and happiness instead of being consumed by what others should or should not be doing.

Letting Go: Finding Liberation from the Stress of Control

We often try to control and dictate the actions and decisions of others, causing unnecessary stress and anxiety for ourselves. Whether it's planning for a prom dinner or waiting for a table at a restaurant, we tend to feel frustrated when things don't go according to our expectations. However, by letting go and allowing others to make their own choices, we can alleviate the pressure and find liberation from the stress of control. It's important to remember that it's not about other people; it's about our own insecurities, anxieties, and need for control. By adopting a "let them" mindset, we can cultivate healthier relationships and reduce unnecessary suffering.

Letting Go of Others' Actions and Emotions

We should "let them" and focus on ourselves instead. When we feel upset or agitated by what others are doing, it's important to realize that their actions and emotions are not our responsibility. By acknowledging the situation and choosing to "let them," we are allowing ourselves to detach from toxic dynamics and take control of our own happiness. We can use this mindset to lower our expectations, stop people-pleasing, and prioritize our own needs and desires. While there may be exceptions for dangerous or harmful situations, in most cases, we can conserve our energy and redirect it towards personal growth and achieving what we want in life.

The importance of allowing others to take responsibility for their own actions and choices

Allowing others to take responsibility for their own actions and choices is not selfish, but actually one of the most generous things we can do. By trying to fix everything for others or change how they feel, we rob them of the breakdowns they need to grow and the responsibility they need to take. It's important to recognize that everyone is an independent human being with their own feelings, values, and life path. When we step back and let them navigate their own journey, it not only serves them in the long run, but also reveals what truly bothers us and helps us build healthier relationships. This approach can be particularly effective when dealing with toxic or narcissistic individuals, as it allows us to set emotional boundaries and maintain a sense of self-awareness.

Assessing your starting point and finding inspiration for meaningful goals.

Before setting goals, it is crucial to assess where you currently stand. Just like giving directions, you need to know your starting point in order to determine where you want to go. Take a blank piece of paper and write out different categories of your life, such as relationships, money, and happiness. Rank each category and ask yourself how you can improve it by a few points. This will give you a clear direction and help you set meaningful goals. Additionally, dreams play a significant role as well. They serve as beacons of inspiration and guide you towards a different path. Pay attention to what genuinely sparks jealousy or inspiration in you, as it reveals your inner desires and aspirations. Use these dreams as directional signals to propel you forward.

Overcoming Fear and Taking Control

We have the power to overcome fear and take control of our lives. Mel Robbins highlights the importance of allowing others to have their reactions and embracing our own truth. Fear often holds us back, causing us to avoid, shrink, and live in silence. However, by taking responsibility for our healing and expressing our truth, we can break free from the grip of fear. Additionally, Mel's personal experience with ADHD shows the transformative power of understanding and accepting ourselves. By seeking diagnoses and embracing our unique traits, we can find explanations and solutions for lifelong challenges. Embracing our truth and taking action can lead us to live in a completely different way.

Recognizing and Understanding ADHD in Girls

ADHD can present differently in boys and girls, leading to misdiagnosis or no diagnosis at all for girls. The symptoms in girls, such as daydreaming and disorganization, often go unnoticed or are attributed to other factors like puberty or anxiety. This lack of recognition can lead to years of struggling with anxiety and not receiving proper treatment for ADHD. Additionally, understanding that ADHD is not simply an inability to focus, but rather a difference in neural networks in the brain, can help individuals with ADHD develop strategies and habits to support themselves. It is crucial to recognize the unique symptoms and challenges faced by girls with ADHD and provide them with appropriate support and treatment.

The Impact of Brain Function on Focus and Attention

Our ability to focus and concentrate is heavily influenced by the functioning of different parts of our brain. When certain areas are not switching properly, our attention becomes scattered and we struggle to engage fully in tasks or activities. This can be compared to Mel Robbins' experience in college, where she had to quiet the ambient noise and signaling in her body in order to amplify her attention on studying. Additionally, there may be a link between childhood trauma and conditions like ADHD, as a survival response to chaotic or stressful environments can result in tuning out to protect oneself. Understanding these connections can help us better address attention issues and provide appropriate support. Furthermore, menopause can bring about overwhelming changes and loss of control over one's body, highlighting the importance of self-care and maintaining healthy habits during this period.

The Importance of Research and Understanding in Women's Hormone Health

There is a lack of research and understanding when it comes to women's hormone health, specifically menopause. For a long time, women were not included in medical research, and even now, there is conflicting advice and limited knowledge on the subject. This can be frustrating for women who are experiencing changes in their bodies and seeking answers. The fact that women's health and hormone balance are not given enough attention is a significant issue. With longer life expectancies, women can now live vibrant lives for decades after their fertility cycle ends. This highlights the need for more research and understanding surrounding menopause to ensure women receive proper care and support.

Shifting the Focus: Understanding Menopause and its Impact on Women's Health

Menopause is an important topic that requires more scientific rigor and attention. It has often been treated as an afterthought, with limited advice and support for women going through this stage. However, there is hope for more research and exciting developments in the field. It's crucial to recognize that the impact of menopause can vary depending on individual history, so personalized knowledge and care are necessary. Furthermore, this conversation highlights the significance of enjoying life and nurturing strong relationships, particularly with family. The emotional aspect of spending quality time with loved ones is deeply fulfilling. Lastly, the ability to overcome challenges, such as getting out of bed despite resistance, is a critical skill for personal growth and change.

Rewiring Our Nervous System for Positive Change

Rewiring our nervous system and deprogramming the negative patterns that hold us back is a challenging but essential process. We can't eliminate all the negative experiences or thoughts entirely, but we can make a conscious effort to change our default reactions and gain self-awareness. By prioritizing peace and taking action, we can overcome trauma, fear, and anxiety. This journey of introspection, understanding, and authentic communication allows us to have a positive impact on others and make a difference in their lives. It reminds us that we are not alone in our struggles and that sharing our challenges can help someone else feel seen and understood.