[Summary] World Leading Psychologist: How To Detach From Overthinking & Anxiety: Dr Julie Smith | The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett #122

🔑 Key Takeaways

Explore your interests and pursue what excites and inspires you, as it increases the likelihood of finding a job or field that brings fulfillment and satisfaction.
Sharing educational content on social media about mental health has a positive impact and reaches a wider audience, including parents and grandparents, but it is essential to find a balance between public initiatives and individual therapy.
Julie Smith overcomes challenges as an introverted person to reach a larger audience through videos, highlighting the universal fear of criticism and rejection.
Understanding and challenging our core beliefs can help us manage rejection and build healthier relationships, leading to a happier life.
Understanding and breaking patterns in relationships requires therapy or reflective practices, acknowledging that change takes time and support.
Success should be measured by personal fulfillment and happiness, rather than societal expectations of wealth and fame. Prioritizing well-being over external validation is essential for a truly fulfilling life.
It's possible to explore different paths and preferences while protecting family and living a normal life. Personal experiences and values are important for growth, while goals are temporary accomplishments.
Continuously assessing and realigning with our values helps us prioritize aspects of life that truly matter, leading to a more fulfilling and purposeful existence.
Meaningful change requires reflection, action, and continuous evaluation. Taking small steps, developing sustainable habits, and adjusting along the way are vital. It's important to acknowledge that change takes time and finding what resonates with us as individuals is crucial.
Prioritizing sleep and maintaining a sense of purpose can positively impact performance, well-being, and motivation in navigating life.
Setting realistic goals and prioritizing values can help manage feelings of overwhelm and prevent self-blame. It is important to focus on well-being and family over societal expectations.
Therapy involves navigating emotions and gradually opening up to them in supported ways, while understanding the function of behaviors that block emotions can aid in addressing emotional challenges.
Building a support system and finding healthy outlets for emotions are crucial for navigating through difficult times. There are no shortcuts, but taking steps towards self-reflection and growth can lead to long-term positive changes.
Building confidence requires facing challenges, embracing discomfort, and making decisions based on values, ultimately leading to personal growth and a meaningful life.
Our thoughts and emotions do not define us; curiosity and self-compassion help navigate them. Acknowledge all thoughts, choose responses consciously, and prioritize well-being for self-esteem and growth.
Building self-esteem requires more than just affirmations; it necessitates taking actions that challenge our comfort zone and practicing breathwork to alleviate anxiety and improve mood.
Breath work techniques such as box breathing and extending the out breath can effectively calm the body's stress response, providing a lifelong tool for managing stress and anxiety.
We have the power to choose how we live, prioritize our well-being, and find meaning in navigating life's stresses and accepting our mortality.
Recognizing the scarcity of time helps prioritize decisions and relationships, leading to a more fulfilling life filled with purpose, happiness, and resilience.
Social media can create unrealistic expectations for relationships, highlighting the importance of personal space, individuality, and self-acceptance for maintaining healthy and positive relationships.
Prioritizing self-care and finding balance in life is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being.

📝 Podcast Summary

Follow Your Passions for a Fulfilling Career

Following one's interests and passions can lead to a fulfilling career. Julie Smith, the clinical therapist, shared that she became interested in psychology simply because she found it fascinating. She pursued her interests and ended up studying psychology, even though she had no idea what career prospects it would offer. However, by following her curiosity and passion, she found her way into a job she loves. This advice is applicable to anyone seeking career guidance. Rather than waiting for an epiphany or trying to fit into societal expectations, individuals should explore their interests and pursue what excites and inspires them. This approach increases the likelihood of ending up in a job or field that brings fulfillment and satisfaction.

Sharing knowledge and educational content about mental health on social media platforms like TikTok can have a significant impact. Initially hesitant due to privacy concerns and the misconception that social media is primarily for entertainment, the speaker decided to make therapy-related information accessible to a wider audience. The response was overwhelmingly positive, with people expressing gratitude for the educational content and applying it to their daily lives. Contrary to the assumption that only younger individuals would be interested, parents and grandparents also found value in the content. However, despite the success on social media, the speaker still continues to see a limited number of patients one-on-one and is working on finding a balance between public initiatives and individual therapy.

Embracing Introversion and Making an Impact through Videos

Julie Smith, despite her introverted nature, has embraced being in the public eye and sharing her videos to reach millions of people. She values the depth of one-on-one relationships in her therapy work, but recognizes the impact she can make on a larger scale through her videos. Julie has learned to handle the pressure and constant feedback from social media, even though it has been challenging for her as an introverted person. She acknowledges the tendency to focus on negative feedback and the vulnerability that comes with putting oneself out there online. Julie and her conversation partner discuss the universal experience of searching for criticism and the fear of rejection, highlighting the deep-rooted human fear of being expelled from the tribe.

The impact of rejection on our core beliefs and relationships

Our desire to fit in and be accepted by others, whether it's within a tribe or in romantic relationships, can be challenging. We are built to care about what people think of us, and it's natural to feel distress when faced with rejection. Rejection can tap into core beliefs that we have about ourselves, often formed during childhood experiences, and these beliefs can influence how we feel and behave. When our core beliefs are triggered, it can cause significant psychological distress. Understanding and identifying our core beliefs can be a crucial step in managing our reactions to rejection and developing healthier patterns in relationships. Self-reflection, journaling, and seeking professional help can help us uncover and challenge these core beliefs to lead happier and more fulfilling lives.

Breaking Patterns and Creating New Relationships Through Therapy and Reflection

Therapy, such as cognitive analytic therapy (CAT), can help individuals understand and break patterns and cycles in their relationships that stem from early life experiences. CAT focuses on the relationships one has with parents, siblings, and family during childhood and how these relationships shape behavior and coping strategies. Through therapy, individuals can become aware of these patterns and cycles, gaining the opportunity to choose whether to continue with familiar behaviors or break the cycle and try something different. While therapy offers a specialized approach, individuals can also achieve similar outcomes through reflective practices like journaling, identifying patterns, and seeking perspective from trusted friends or loved ones. It is important to acknowledge that breaking cycles and creating new life in relationships takes time, practice, and sometimes external support.

Balancing Fame and Personal Life

Achieving success and fame comes with its own set of challenges and sacrifices. Both Julie Smith and the speaker in the conversation have experienced the discomfort and pressure of becoming more public figures due to their respective endeavors. They express concerns about balancing their personal lives, relationships, and responsibilities with the increasing demands of their successful ventures. The conversation highlights the importance of staying true to oneself and not succumbing to societal expectations of pursuing wealth and fame at all costs. It emphasizes that it is okay to prioritize personal happiness and well-being over external validation and recognition. Ultimately, the key takeaway is that success should be defined and pursued on one's own terms, considering the impact it has on overall fulfillment and contentment.

Balancing Extraordinary Achievements with a Quiet Life

It is important to find a balance between striving for extraordinary achievements and embracing a quiet, private life. Julie Smith reflects on the pressure to constantly stand out and questions her own choices and values. She realizes that none of the choices have to be permanent and that it's possible to explore different paths and preferences. Julie understands the need to protect her family and live a normal life, while still pursuing her passion for helping others and sharing knowledge. The conversation highlights the importance of learning from personal experiences rather than simply being warned by others. Additionally, values are emphasized as a continuous guiding force throughout life, while goals are seen as temporary accomplishments.

The importance of aligning with our values for personal fulfillment

Evaluating and aligning with our values is crucial for personal fulfillment. Life may lead us in different directions, but it's important to always assess whether our path aligns with our values and make adjustments accordingly. By conducting values check-ins and reflecting on different areas of our lives, we can identify what truly matters to us and how we want to respond to challenges. It's not about what happens to us, but rather how we choose to respond and the kind of person we want to be. By continuously assessing and realigning with our values, we can live a more fulfilling and purposeful life, prioritizing aspects like relationships, health, creativity, learning, and career, among others.

Gradual Growth and Sustainable Habits for Personal Change

Meaningful change and personal growth occur gradually, through a process of reflection, action, and constant reevaluation. It is not about making drastic and quick decisions, but rather about taking small steps and developing sustainable habits. This approach allows us to carefully navigate our life's direction, making adjustments as we go along. It is important to acknowledge that change takes time and that not everything has to be done immediately. Additionally, our mood and behavior are interconnected, and there are various ways to improve our mood, such as through exercise, music, human connections, and self-expression. What works for one person may not work for another, so it is essential to find what resonates with us as individuals.

The importance of sleep and purpose in navigating life's challenges.

Sleep is crucial for our mood and mindset, and it should be taken seriously. The speaker emphasizes the negative impact of not getting enough sleep on their performance and overall well-being. They acknowledge the temptation to sacrifice sleep when there is a lot to be done, but stress the importance of giving our bodies the rest they need. The conversation also touches on the idea that motivation can diminish when something becomes extrinsically motivated, such as when work becomes involved. However, the speaker shares that their initial reason for sharing helpful information on social media keeps them motivated and driven. The key takeaway is that prioritizing adequate sleep and maintaining a strong sense of purpose can help navigate the challenges of life.

Managing Overload and Prioritizing Well-Being

Overload and feeling overwhelmed are common experiences in today's society. Julie Smith highlights the pressure to meet various expectations as a parent, business person, author, and social media presence. This overload can lead to feelings of failure and self-blame. However, she emphasizes the importance of setting realistic goals and prioritizing one's values. Julie mentions that her family is her center point, and she will only take on as much as she can while being the mother she wants to be. This conversation reminds us that it is okay to have smaller goals and prioritize our well-being and family over societal ideals. It serves as a reminder to use a values filter in managing our emotions and navigating overwhelming situations.

Balancing emotions for mental well-being

Finding a balance between embracing emotions and ignoring them is crucial for our mental well-being. While it may not be possible to completely shrug off deep emotions, compartmentalizing them can lead to subconscious erosion. On the other hand, fully embracing emotions can be overwhelming and hinder daily functioning. Therapy is a complex process that requires careful navigation of emotions, especially for those who have experienced unsafe coping mechanisms throughout their lives. It is important to gradually open up to emotions in supported ways, starting with less overwhelming ones. Many people unknowingly block their emotions through certain behaviors like excessive eating, smoking, or distraction. Understanding the function of these behaviors with curiosity instead of judgement is essential. Paying attention to shifts in behavior can help us identify and address underlying emotional challenges.

The importance of human connection in overcoming emotional struggles.

Human connection and communication are essential in addressing and overcoming emotional struggles. While therapy may not be accessible to everyone, finding someone trustworthy to talk to can make a significant difference. In the absence of a confidant, writing down thoughts and feelings, or exploring artistic means, can help gain clarity and understanding. Therapy often involves examining triggers, vulnerabilities, and the behavioral patterns that perpetuate negative cycles. Instant relief-seeking behaviors may provide temporary respite but ultimately keep individuals stuck. Long-term solutions require facing and experiencing emotions, developing coping skills, and breaking harmful habits. It's important to acknowledge that there are no quick fixes or easy solutions to complex emotional challenges.

Embracing Vulnerability and Stepping Outside Our Comfort Zones for Building Confidence

Building confidence requires a willingness to embrace vulnerability and step outside our comfort zones. The idea that confidence cannot grow if we are never willing to be without it is a powerful reminder that personal growth and development come from facing challenges and uncertainties. It is important to recognize that we cannot solely rely on feeling confident in familiar situations but must push ourselves to experience new things and navigate through discomfort. By gradually exposing ourselves to manageable doses of what makes us nervous, we can expand our comfort zones and become more confident in our abilities. Additionally, making decisions based on our deeply held values rather than fleeting emotions allows us to live a life of meaning, even in the face of adversity.

Embracing Curiosity and Self-Compassion in Managing Thoughts and Emotions

Our thoughts and emotions do not define who we are. It is important to approach our emotions with curiosity rather than judgment, allowing ourselves to explore and understand them without self-blame. Our thoughts may pop into our minds, but we have the power to choose how we respond to them. Trying to control our thoughts or only focus on positive ones can set us up for failure and frustration. Instead, we should acknowledge and accept all thoughts and then consciously decide how to act on them or which ones to give our attention to. Furthermore, self-esteem is not solely based on subjective evidence or evaluations of ourselves. It is more beneficial to practice self-compassion and make choices that align with what is best for our well-being and future growth.

The Power of Action and Breathwork in Building Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is built on evidence collected from our experiences, and affirmations alone are not enough to change deep-rooted core beliefs. Words, like affirmations, provide little evidence, and if someone already believes they are lovable, affirmations can have a short-lived positive impact. However, if someone struggles with low self-esteem and repeats affirmations contrary to their core beliefs, it can be detrimental and fuel internal arguments. Instead, actions that challenge and push us slightly out of our comfort zone are more effective in improving self-esteem. Additionally, breathwork can have a profound impact on mood and anxiety. Slowing down and deepening our breath can help alleviate anxiety symptoms by counteracting the fast and shallow breathing associated with anxiety.

The Power of Breath Work: Managing Stress and Anxiety

Breath work is a powerful tool for managing stress and anxiety. When we experience high stress situations, our breath naturally changes as our body prepares for fight or flight response. However, in our modern and constantly stimulated world, we often find ourselves living in a state of constant stress. By practicing techniques such as box breathing and extending the out breath, we can effectively calm our body's stress response. Breath work may seem simple, but it has a profound impact on our overall well-being. It provides us with a tool that we can always rely on in moments of stress, and once we learn these techniques, they become a lifelong asset. It's important to spread awareness about the power of breath work and its ability to transform our lives.

Embracing our humanity in a robotic world

Living like a human being and embracing our basic needs and values is essential. The modern world often pushes us towards being robotic, devoid of emotions and disconnected from what truly matters. The media bombards us with messages of needing to do and be more, leading to exhaustion and self-blame. However, it's crucial to recognize that we have a choice in how we live and prioritize our own well-being. Privilege allows us the freedom to make decisions based on our values and create a meaningful life. While some stresses are inevitable, we can learn to navigate them and find tools to cope. Additionally, accepting our mortality can be daunting but can also provide a source of meaning and perspective in life.

Embracing the Finite Nature of Life for Intentional Living and Meaningful Relationships.

Realizing the finite nature of life can help us attribute more value to each moment and make decisions aligned with our values. Death serves as a reminder of life's scarcity and can prompt us to live more intentionally. By understanding that time is limited, we can filter out decisions that don't align with our priorities. Additionally, relationships play a crucial role in our overall well-being and happiness. They are the fabric of our lives and provide us with a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Human connection is a built-in stress resilience mechanism that can positively impact our mental and emotional well-being. Despite societal influences, it is essential to prioritize relationships and remind ourselves of our innate need for human connection.

Social media creates unrealistic expectations for relationships, which can lead to problems. People often see perfect relationships displayed on social media and believe that love should always be easy and flawless. This can lead to disappointment and confusion when they encounter challenges in their own relationships. Additionally, the conversation highlights the importance of personal space and individuality within a relationship. It challenges the traditional notion that couples always have to be together and emphasizes the importance of each person having their own space. It also emphasizes that the way one sees and treats oneself directly impacts their relationships with others. Self-worth and self-acceptance are crucial for maintaining healthy and positive relationships.

The Importance of Self-Care and Balance in Relationships

Taking care of oneself is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Julie Smith emphasizes that when individuals are struggling with their own well-being, it often has a negative impact on their relationships. Happiness is not a constant state, but rather a fluctuating feeling that varies from time to time. Julie acknowledges that she experiences a range of emotions, including happiness, sadness, fear, and stress, and that's perfectly normal. While she appreciates her current life and feels grateful, she understands that life is a roller coaster for everyone. Furthermore, Julie expresses a desire to spend more time outdoors with her children, enjoying nature, but acknowledges that daily responsibilities such as school and work can sometimes hinder this. Ultimately, prioritizing self-care and recognizing the importance of balance is essential to overall well-being and harmonious relationships.

World Leading Psychologist: How To Detach From Overthinking & Anxiety: Dr Julie Smith | The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett #122